You’re welcome, welcome in the community, and welcome on this blog. Come back any time you need it– we will never ignore you.
The following definition can be found in our lexicon:
Autochorissexualism: A disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies, or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein. Commonly found in asexual people; an analogous feeling may occur in aromantic people for romantic fantasies. Coined by Anthony Bogaert. (via anagnori)
I hope this helps!
I don’t think that’s weird at all! It’s that line between fiction and real life. Fantasy and reality. Maybe on TV and movies you feel far enough removed from the situation that you feel comfortable as a viewer, but discussion of sex in real life are much more close to home to be comfortable for you? I feel pretty similar to you, actually. I don’t really have an issue with either situation, but I definitely find fiction and fantasy much easier things to digest and personally enjoy than real life discussion/situations.
Absolutely! You can be asexual and experience romantic attraction to people of all gender identities :)
What you’re describing certainly sounds like demiromantic. Demiromantic refers to someone who experiences romantic attraction to another person only after a strong emotional bond has been formed. So that definitely could be the case for you! If you feel it fits, you can identify as Demiromantic Asexual. I know it’s scary and confusing, but you seem to be on the right track and have the right ideas and information! You can always do a little more research on romantic orientation if you’re still not sure.
If you have any specific questions, or just want to talk some more, don’t hesitate to send in another ask!
You should talk to your girlfriend about this. Some people think fantasising is fine, but it can make others uncomfortable. I can’t tell you whether it is right or wrong– be open, and communicate with her.
Best of luck,
You are welcome, always. We’re pleased to help- it’s what we’re here for :)
You do not have to pretend to be heterosexual. You need to explain to her that asexuality is a real thing, and you can show her examples of scientific research, media coverage, and writings from people who are asexual. I linked some good basic resources here. It might be confusing for your mother and she might not want to accept it at first, but you need to be firm and tell her that you are her child that that her refusal to accept your asexuality is hurtful and that you would appreciate her support.
Let me know how it goes, and I wish you the best of luck.
It sounds like you already have a good relationship with your mother and that you were nervous or scared about telling her. Would it help you to write down first what you want to say? Or have a computer to hand so you can fact-check and show her information online? If she’s confused aromanticism with asexuality, then you could start by explaining the difference between the two, and then telling her where her misperceptions lie. Take your time in explaining– if you’re close, she probably wants to understand what you’re saying. You should encourage her to ask questions and that may help you explain in a more direct way than blurting out all the information you know at once.
Good luck! Let me know how it goes, and if you need anything else.
It really sucks. Too many medical professionals think this way, and it really needs to change…
You don’t have to tell her if you don’t want to. If you do want to, I’d advise you to be upfront about it. If she doesn’t know what asexuality is, you can direct her to loads of information on it. If she says you’re too young, you can explain that you have found yourself, you are confident in who you are, and besides, when would you be old enough for her to believe that you’re asexual? If she still doesn’t believe you and asks how you can know you’re asexual, say that you know it in the same way she knows her sexuality.
If you’d like more advice, please come back. I hope it goes well for you.
I’m sorry your friends have reacted that way! That’s no way to react to someone coming out, especially to someone who’s your friend! Coming out can be a tricky thing, and being ace has its unique challenges or erasure and over all invisibility. I think first and foremost it’s a good idea to have lots of easily accessible and recognizable sources to give to the person you’re coming out to.
Here’s a few that I find do a really good job at that:
Gurl.com’s “Facts, Myths, and Misconceptions about Asexuality” (My apologies if you aren’t a girl!)
Also, even though it’s really difficult, try and remain as confident and self-assured as possible. If people sense that you’re uncertain about what you’re saying, they may be more likely to be uncertain. Another good approach is to explain what being ace means to *you*. What made you realize you were ace, and what your experience of being ace is. Don’t shy away too much from being adamant that you know yourself better than anyone else, and that you and you alone get to decide how to identify.
As you probably are familiar with, aesthetic attraction does not interfere with asexuality, and neither does romantic attraction, or sensual attraction. All of this can definitely get pretty confusing! Take your time, do some introspection, do some research, and most of all, just breath and remember that nothing needs to be figured out immediately. For me, I had a pretty difficult time figuring out my orientation, and when I was 19 I finally said “You know what, screw it! I’m going label-less because this is just too complicated.” and it only took around 5 months before I started realizing I was definitely asexual. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and clear your mind!
By looking up sexualities and asking questions, you’re already well on your way to understanding yourself and how you choose to identify.
I wish you luck!
I would highly suggest AVEN (asexuality.org). They have a thorough faq and have a forum where you can ask questions and talk to people in the asexual community.
We also have a list of links here: