Asexuality Resources

“An asexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction”. New? Question? See my links/pages. Please use a computer to view. Mobile doesn't support pages.
Anonymous Asks:
I'm in a 'process' of accepting myself as an ace. Just now I realised one of the reasons I was having a hard time accepting myself as an ace is that it is so unusual. So right now I'm just marvelling at my own uniqueness of (apparently) being one of you! Also thank you for answering my question earlier, I was the one being afraid that I was a coward. Your immediate answer made me so happy, I was afraid of being ignored.
asexualityresources Said:

You’re welcome, welcome in the community, and welcome on this blog. Come back any time you need it– we will never ignore you.

Anonymous Asks:
sorry to have you go over this again. But what does autochorissexualism mean?
asexualityresources Said:

Hi Anon,

The following definition can be found in our lexicon

Autochorissexualism: A disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies, or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein. Commonly found in asexual people; an analogous feeling may occur in aromantic people for romantic fantasies. Coined by Anthony Bogaert. (via anagnori)

I hope this helps!

– Sebastian.

Anonymous Asks:
is it weird that seeing sex on tv and in movies normally doesn't repulse me (tho sometimes it does) but hearing ppl irl talking about sex really bothers me? it seems like it should be the other way around?
asexualityresources Said:

I don’t think that’s weird at all! It’s that line between fiction and real life. Fantasy and reality. Maybe on TV and movies you feel far enough removed from the situation that you feel comfortable as a viewer, but discussion of sex in real life are much more close to home to be comfortable for you? I feel pretty similar to you, actually. I don’t really have an issue with either situation, but I definitely find fiction and fantasy much easier things to digest and personally enjoy than real life discussion/situations.

-Ella

Do you know of any asexual dating sites or sites with an asexual option? Meeting people just around is difficult
asexualityresources Said:

Hi Anon,

These are the ones I know of– if any followers can name any more, please do!

I hope this helps!

– Sebastian.

Anonymous Asks:
Hi, I think I'm asexual panromantic. Is that even a thing?
asexualityresources Said:

Hi Anon,

Absolutely! You can be asexual and experience romantic attraction to people of all gender identities :)

– Sebastian.

Anonymous Asks:
hello there! i want to say that i love this blog and it helped me to discover my sexuality, but i feel a bit confused about being an asexual because i'm in love with a girl, but i felt attraction to her when she became a 'part of my life' or better said when i felt a deep connection with her, i don't know how to put this, but i don't feel any sexual attraction to her, i feel like, it's more in a romantic way, and i thought that i may be a 'demiromantic'? it could be? please help me with this :(
asexualityresources Said:

Hi Anon!

What you’re describing certainly sounds like demiromantic. Demiromantic refers to someone who experiences romantic attraction to another person only after a strong emotional bond has been formed. So that definitely could be the case for you! If you feel it fits, you can identify as Demiromantic Asexual. I know it’s scary and confusing, but you seem to be on the right track and have the right ideas and information! You can always do a little more research on romantic orientation if you’re still not sure.

If you have any specific questions, or just want to talk some more, don’t hesitate to send in another ask!

-Ella

Anonymous Asks:
is it wrong if i think of my girlfriend when i jerk off, (she sasexual) like i respect her and her sexuality but sometimes i cant help but fantasize about it. is that wrong?
asexualityresources Said:

Hi Anon,

You should talk to your girlfriend about this. Some people think fantasising is fine, but it can make others uncomfortable. I can’t tell you whether it is right or wrong– be open, and communicate with her. 

Best of luck,

– Sebastian. 

Anonymous Asks:
This isn't a question, it's just a thank you. While I've identified as asexual and (possibly) aromatic for a while, it was definitely hard to pin if I was correct since as far as sexual desires went, I still felt them but not towards people. But you've helped me put a name to that (autochorissexualism!) and shown me that yes, it is normal. So again, thank you.
asexualityresources Said:

You are welcome, always. We’re pleased to help- it’s what we’re here for :)

Anonymous Asks:
hello guys i just want you to help me giving me some advice. Last week i told my mom that i'm not interesed in sexual attraction, that i'm an asexual and that i discover my sexuality because of a site on the internet, she looked at me and told me that being asexual was 'not normal' and she told me that it may be a trauma because of being rejected before and i don't know how to feel about this, do i have to pretend being a heterosexual of something? what should i do with this situation? :(
asexualityresources Said:

Hello Anon,

You do not have to pretend to be heterosexual. You need to explain to her that asexuality is a real thing, and you can show her examples of scientific research, media coverage, and writings from people who are asexual. I linked some good basic resources here. It might be confusing for your mother and she might not want to accept it at first, but you need to be firm and tell her that you are her child that that her refusal to accept your asexuality is hurtful and that you would appreciate her support.

Let me know how it goes, and I wish you the best of luck.

–Sebastian.

Anonymous Asks:
I was about to come out to my mom that I'm ace & I just sort of panic & screamed "MOM I'M ACE" stuttering my way to explaining and end up confusing her. She said okay. Before I ran and hide in my room feeling very panicky. I think I just confused her even more. How can I explain it to her without panicking? Because I'm really scared and my mom & I are close I don't want to lose her but I don't want to hide my sexuality to her. She thinks I'm aro (I'm demi romantic tho) instead of ace. Help!
asexualityresources Said:

Hi Anon!

It sounds like you already have a good relationship with your mother and that you were nervous or scared about telling her. Would it help you to write down first what you want to say? Or have a computer to hand so you can fact-check and show her information online? If she’s confused aromanticism with asexuality, then you could start by explaining the difference between the two, and then telling her where her misperceptions lie. Take your time in explaining– if you’re close, she probably wants to understand what you’re saying. You should encourage her to ask questions and that may help you explain in a more direct way than blurting out all the information you know at once. 

Good luck! Let me know how it goes, and if you need anything else.

 –Sebastian. 

Anonymous Asks:
Echoing what the other anon said. I am figuring out if I am asexual or not and I suffer from vaginismus. My doctor said "she hoped I could one day so that I could live a full, happy life." It felt really gross and wrong and I wish I had said something. It's not like I don't suffer from feeling completely broken as a human being every day of my life already. Ugh.
asexualityresources Said:

It really sucks. Too many medical professionals think this way, and it really needs to change…

Anonymous Asks:
When I first realized I was asexual, the first person to know was my best friend, and she was super supportive and accepting. So with that confidence, I told my dad, but he did the whole "You're too young to know" thing. (I'm 17, by the way.) So, now I'm a bit nervous to tell my mom and nervous about how she'll react, but I sort of feel like I'm lying to her in a way by not telling her. Do you have any advice or anything like that that might be helpful?
asexualityresources Said:

Hi Anon,

You don’t have to tell her if you don’t want to. If you do want to, I’d advise you to be upfront about it. If she doesn’t know what asexuality is, you can direct her to loads of information on it. If she says you’re too young, you can explain that you have found yourself, you are confident in who you are, and besides, when would you be old enough for her to believe that you’re asexual? If she still doesn’t believe you and asks how you can know you’re asexual, say that you know it in the same way she knows her sexuality.

If you’d like more advice, please come back. I hope it goes well for you.

– Sebastian. 

Anonymous Asks:
I identify as asexual homoromantic but I have no idea how to tell people. I tried telling a few of my friends but they just brushed it off saying "nah, you're just confused", "no, you're just a closeted lesbian", "you just haven't met the right person", "you're too young to know that" etc. what I want to know is how I can come out in a way so that my friends and family understand what being ace means. I'm so sick of them not accepting this part of my identity. And tysm for running this blog
asexualityresources Said:

Hello Anon!

I’m sorry your friends have reacted that way! That’s no way to react to someone coming out, especially to someone who’s your friend! Coming out can be a tricky thing, and being ace has its unique challenges or erasure and over all invisibility. I think first and foremost it’s a good idea to have lots of easily accessible and recognizable sources to give to the person you’re coming out to.

Here’s a few that I find do a really good job at that:

Gurl.com’s “Facts, Myths, and Misconceptions about Asexuality” (My apologies if you aren’t a girl!)

BBC’s 2012 article “What is it Like to be Asexual?”

The Huffington Post’s article “What is Asexuality? A Community’s Coming of Age”

the short book Asexuality: A Brief Introduction from the Asexuality Archive

Also, even though it’s really difficult, try and remain as confident and self-assured as possible. If people sense that you’re uncertain about what you’re saying, they may be more likely to be uncertain. Another good approach is to explain what being ace means to *you*. What made you realize you were ace, and what your experience of being ace is. Don’t shy away too much from being adamant that you know yourself better than anyone else, and that you and you alone get to decide how to identify.

Good luck!

-Ella

Anonymous Asks:
I find myself appreciating some people's aesthetics (like "that person's hair frames their face well and makes them look nice") but not in a sexual way ever, and I am very uncomfortable with anything other than a hug (I can't deal with holding hands tbh) but I'm very confused and I'm 15 and I don't really know where this is going
asexualityresources Said:

Hey Anon!

As you probably are familiar with, aesthetic attraction does not interfere with asexuality, and neither does romantic attraction, or sensual attraction. All of this can definitely get pretty confusing! Take your time, do some introspection, do some research, and most of all, just breath and remember that nothing needs to be figured out immediately. For me, I had a pretty difficult time figuring out my orientation, and when I was 19 I finally said “You know what, screw it! I’m going label-less because this is just too complicated.” and it only took around 5 months before I started realizing I was definitely asexual. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and clear your mind!

By looking up sexualities and asking questions, you’re already well on your way to understanding yourself and how you choose to identify.

I wish you luck!

-Ella

Anonymous Asks:
Hi, I'm not really sure if I'm asexual or not and I have only just started to find more info about it... Are there any blogs or websites or anything you could recommend that might help me find out how I identify or find more info?
asexualityresources Said:

I would highly suggest AVEN (asexuality.org). They have a thorough faq and have a forum where you can ask questions and talk to people in the asexual community.

We also have a list of links here:

http://asexualityresources.tumblr.com/links